Ballgowns? Really.

I know, I know its been days and days since I posted anything. I wish I could say I've been busy. But I can't.

I can tell you that another depressing weigh-in may be in store tomorrow. But, next week is the week that all that changes. I am going to eat well this week if it kills me. Or you know, makes me sad. Because I went to try on gowns today and I didn't like what I saw.

We are having a big event at work and I need an evening gown. It's required. I know, I know, poor me, I just have to buy an evening gown. What a terrible life I must lead. But to be honest, trying on evening gowns is awful. Especially when you have pudgy arms and sort of wide hips and a pudgy waistline. And I have to say that all the times I cheated at weight watchers didn't seem worth it when I stood in that dressing room with the bad lighting and the tight polyester dress. With my tummy poufing out. And my arms looking like flabby sausages. Not even nice sausages. Flabby ones.

Er, not to get all self depreciating. Or overly graphic.

So I went home and did a series of ab workouts as I watched the Oscars. I've decided that since I watch so much TV, I need to just combine the TV and the workouts. It's an old trick that I've heard many times from weight watchers and even The Biggest Loser, so it must be true.

I would just like to add that my boyfriend is very sweet and did not comment on how pudgy I looked in the gowns. He kindly spent a lot of time talking about how great my bust looked in each dress. He also pointed out that my butt looked awesome. That's love.

Ok, goodnight from me. The weigh-in of DOOM is tomorrow. Please don't quit reading just because I can neither lose weight nor finish my book. I have other talents! I swear!

And with that, I succumb to sleep.

I'm too old for this headband

I am far too sleepy to be posting anything. It is very likely to come out as mindless drivel (which is sort of funny to worry about. I mean worrying about it implies that usually this blog is not mindless drivel, and I think that's debatable.) And yet, I will soldier on.

Today on BART I sat next to a little girl. She was maybe 5? I am bad at guessing ages. Children make me sort of uncomfortable to tell the truth. I love talking to them, because they have such interesting thoughts. My younger cousins provide me with hours of entertainment and good conversation. But sadly, children often look at me as though I'm an idiot, not worthy of their conversation or their time. They can tell that deep down I am still 7 years old. They look at me and they know, in a way that other adults cannot know, that I am just pretending to be grown up. And I think children feel great disdain for adults that can't get their crap together.

I sort of remember feeling that way when I was little. I was like, dude, I want to be grown up so I can tell all these grown ups to pull it together. I think we don't give children enough credit for seeing everything. EVERYTHING.

In any case, today I sat next to a little girl, and we sort of stared at each other for a while, as children are wont to do. She looked like she might be one of those charming friendly children who likes that I can relate to her on her own level. You know, because I basically feel the same way now as I did when I was 7, only taller. This girl was wearing a pretty pink headband with little dark pink gems on it.

"I like your headband," I said to her.

She looked at me for a minute, and then looked upward as if she was trying to remember what headband it was. And then she rolled her eyes at me. As if to say, "Seriously lady, you are like waaay too old to like this headband. Let's face it, I'm too old to like this headband. Get it together."

Yep. I'm super cool like that. Super cool.

Excuses, not results...

I hope none of you read this blog because you love reading about really successful goal oriented people who lose lots of weight really fast. Because my Grandmother made a homemade apple pie with buttery crust and I ate a piece tonight... with ice cream. Also my mother left me home alone with no food in the house, so I had noodles with Alfredo sauce. And peas.

The peas were actually a big deal. I don't like to dirty extra pans (or any pans at all) when I cook, so the fact that I made veggies was like huge. Especially when you consider that the pasta was leftover and required no pans at all; just a plate and a microwave.

I think its totally ridiculous that I can love food as much as I do and yet have such a major aversion to cooking. I think I just have an aversion to things I am not good at. I like to go into things knowing I will most likely have success. Apparently, when I was a toddler, I didn't really toddle. I never really tried out walking. One day, I wanted something, and my mom was busy, so I got up and walked. My mom was shocked. Up to that moment, she probably thought I had some sort of learning disability because I wasn't trying to walk at all. She's never said as much, but she probably thought I was lazy.

Or perhaps I don't like to cook because I HATE doing dishes, and as I cook I just count all the plates, spoons and pots that I will have to clean later. In fact sometimes I just decide to simplify a recipe to avoid extra pans.

Maybe it's my lack of patience. As Brady has seen, I tend to eat the ingredients as we cook with them. If cheese is an ingredient, I'll just eat it all before it gets cooked. In fact a lot of times a block of cheese seems like a better dinner than whatever we are making because it requires no dishes. (If weight watchers was less touchy feely and had rules, one of them would be "Do not eat blocks of cheese." It would be on all the promotional materials.)

Or maybe I don't like to cook because my boyfriend is in culinary school and therefore there is no need for me to step up and be the chef of the family. I can go to work all day and make the money and he can stay at home in the kitchen. YES! Ideal life.

Anyway, my point is that food is awesome, and if anyone wants a job as my personal chef (and if you work for cheap) I will hire you. Or I will browbeat Brady into making me dinner.

And with that, I'm going to bed.

Like a yo-yo

So, I gained .4 pounds this week. Honestly though, all things considered that is not so bad. If I don't lose some weight this week though, I'm going to lose my street cred...or uh, my blog cred....my net cred? In any case, none of you will believe in me anymore.

So my super secret anniversary trip was a big hit! I mean, I knew it would be. Who doesn't love Disneyland? Brady and I sure do. We went out to a celebratory dinner at the Napa Rose on February 27 and as we ate dinner the guy sitting right behind us proposed to his girlfriend. It was like dinner and a show! And the couple next to us was celebrating their 7 year anniversary. Brady and I decided that we just couldn't ignore signs like that, so I no longer have a roving anniversary. Next year, its going to be February 27 again. Yay!

I have to confess, I'm going to miss that whole non-traditional moving date thing. I liked the spontaneity of it. Now that we have a real date though, I expect Brady to remember it and do special things for me.

Anyway, there was so much great food, and so many magical desserts and we had such a great time. I want every day to be a vacation. Maybe if I could just finish my novel like I am supposed to, I could make enough money to go on vacation all the time. *sigh* A girl can dream.

I leave you with this amusing anectdote: Today I worked very hard to pick out a nice looking outfit. I got out my nice black pants and a button up shirt. I even ironed. And I almost completely dried my hair, but I ran out of time so one little bit was still wet. Today when I got to work I looked in the mirror and found to my horror that I did not, in fact, look put together.

My pants were inexplicably baggy and extremely flared, giving me a saggy bell bottoms look. (My mom has the exact same pair of pants, only on her they are fitted and stylish...what happened to mine?) My shirt has a sort of paisley pattern, and is a bit baggy as well. When paired with the baggy pants it was shapeless and unflattering. That one wet bit of hair had dried into a weird geometrical shape that had nothing to do with the rest of my hair.

In conclusion, I looked sort of like I had woken up without doing my hair and left the house wearing my unusually formal 1970's pajamas. Or, I looked like a chubby 70's wannabe. In any case, maybe I should add "Acquiring a sense of fashion" to my list of goals for the year. Either that or the girls in the Marketing Department will shame me into hiding. It's bad enough when one person dresses well every day, but when a whole department dresses better than you, its depressing. Why are you so stylish Marketing girls? Why?

I want to go back to Disney, where high fashion means wearing a bejeweled mickey mouse jean jacket. I fit in there.

That's all for me.

Goodbye Citizen Cake...and more

Soooo....I had a cupcake today. It was pretty good. Not as amazing as I sort of hoped it would be. Nowhere near the greatness of the chocolate sandwich cookie, but better than what you can buy at Safeway.

I am so stressed out and excited about my trip I just can't stand it. Basically I feel keyed up and exhausted all at once. It's sort of disorienting.

It was a big day of goodbyes today. We said goodbye to Citizen Cake and then we had a goodbye party for one of my coworkers. Since I've had my job for all of 2 months, I can't say I knew her all that well, but I will miss her. She seemed really nice and she sat right across from me every day. The whole staff went to a great bar called Sugar and the board president bought us drinks. Sugar has amazingly filling free appetizers so I may have chosen poorly. I don't want to confirm that I made bad choices, but I can't deny it either.

Also, I had a gin and tonic because it seemed rude not to. Apparently I have become a lightweight because I was totally tipsy after like 3 sips. And then after finishing the drink I felt exhaustion settle over me.

So basically, I spent the party stuffing my face in an unattractive way, sitting in a drunkenly comatose stupor and making occasional odd, tangential comments. I am so classy. I bet I definitely get a raise after that.

Ok, well you may or may not hear from me this weekend. The last time I tried a mobile post it just didn't work, so we shall see.

Happy Trails!

It is almost Friday!

I am pleased to say I made it through Wednesday.

Did I mention before that Citizen Cake is moving? Currently, I work directly above them, making it hard to resist those magical sweet treats. But tomorrow is their last day in that location. They are saying goodbye Hayes Valley. This is probably very good for my diet, but awful for my spirit. Obviously, this means that there will be some snacking this week. Of a non-weight watchers kind. I admit I had both hot coco and a sandwich cookie today. Because I will never have them again after tomorrow. Well not at Citizen Cake anyway. Please, don't judge. Not unless you have had Citizen Cake's hot coco and sandwich cookie. If you have had them, then feel free to judge. You won't though, because if you have had them, then you know.

On Friday Brady and I leave for a secret adventure. Technically it is not at all a secret for me because I booked the whole thing. But Brady has no idea where we are going. Not for sure anyway. I am crazy excited. More specifically it is a celebration of our second anniversary...which was in October... See, Brady and I started dating on Halloween. I refuse to share an anniversary with a scary holiday that revolves around costumes and candy, so each year I try out a different day to celebrate. This year I am trying out February 27th. I like the way it sounds.

January 4th was a big hit last year, but it was just so close to New Years. I figure I can't go much later than February, or it starts to be too far away from our actual anniversary and then the counting gets all off. I mean really we've already been dating 2 years and 3 months. You know, if you were really precise about that kind of thing. Which I am not...

Anyway, there may be some less than ideal eating going on this weekend, but I think it will be worth it. Plus there will be a lot of physical activity where we are going. I can't really give away any more than that because Brady reads this blog, but I bet there will be pictures when we return.

Eee, I love surprises. Except that I keep wanting to share my excitement with Brady and that would sort of ruin the surprise part.

Anyway, that is all I have to say. I am going to bed early for once so that I don't fall asleep on the BART train and start missing my stop. I barely woke up in time today. Oops.

Night!

Today is Monday...right?

Ok, so I lied when I said I would post more Monday. In fact it is Tuesday. On Monday I was too busy stuffing my face full of delicious fattening food and drink to post on this blog.

I guess I should start by confessing that this week I gained .7 pounds. My favorite part of that is that when I posted my weight on my weight watchers online page it said, encouragingly, "So, you gained a little weight this week. If this is not a surprise to you, then that's ok. Move on and have a great week this week. If this is a surprise to you, go back and look through your tracker to see where you could have slipped up."

Thank you automated Weight Watchers response. I feel pretty motivated for the coming week now. I wonder why I gained though...could it have been the giant Reuben sandwich from Max's Cafe? Yes, I think all .7 pounds came from that delicious pastrami.

Max's has a list of rules posted on their menu. Rule #4 explains it all: "We enjoy the taste that fat adds to corned beef and pastrami. If you want something lean, try the turkey." This is why I am the worst weight watcher ever. I saw that sign, I looked at the whole menu, and I proudly declared "The Reuben please. With pastrami."

As a side note, Max's rule #12 is my favorite: "If you are a single diner and are greeted with the expression, "Just One?" we'll buy you a drink."

Today I did manage to have tea instead of hot chocolate, even though there was a hurricane type thing happening in San Francisco and I wanted cozy foods. I also chose popped potato chips instead of cookies as a snack. The potato chips were sort of a sorry stand in for the croissant I had my eye on, and they didn't come close to the sandwich cookie from Citizen Cake that I wanted more than anything. But as I began to walk to Citizen Cake, lured by the siren call of the chocolate sandwich cookie, I thought to myself, "Wait, really? Who is in control here? What matters more? Is this cookie worth the shame of blogging about gaining weight again next week?" And then I walked away. It was a proud moment. A moment that almost made up for the cheesy gooeyness of the reuben.

Well that is all for me. I am quite tuckered out.