Picture this

Yes, it has been FOREVER since I wrote. I know. I've been too busy eating poorly, not sleeping and watching bad TV to write. I'm such a winner.

I have a bit of a cold that is sapping ALL of my energy right now, so I feel like a truck hit me in the head and I've been drugged to dull the pain. Luckily my boss suggested I work from home today, so I am trying to beat this bug before it begins. I need to write a fabulous write up of the Merola Gala on the Merola Blog, but I thought I'd just check in here first. Yes, I am alive, yes, I am almost back to my old self and yes, I finally have a picture of my ballgown.

Just ignore my fat arms and the fact that I did not lose any weight in time for the gala. Oh well. :-P

The brightest crayon in the classroom

I meant to go to bed early. And I also meant to blog earlier. Ah well, the best laid plans...

I actually can't remember how the rest of that phrase goes. I think I always sort of trail off meaningfully at the end and never finish it. As if to say, conspiratorially, yes, you know what happens to the best laid plans. I needn't tell you. But really I'm thinking, I hope you know, because I have not a clue.

Sometimes I think the key to life is pretending, really hard, that you know the end of the phrase. Er the metaphorical phrase that is. Actually, if you're me, there is also a lot of pretending to know the end of literal phrases. I'm sort of lacking in that department.

For example, I am not....
The sharpest tool in the....shed? toolbox? scene shop?
The brightest bulb in the... shed? chandelier? hardware store? house?
The brightest crayon in the... kindergarten classroom? box? child's mouth?
Or could we even go with the sharpest crayon?

Or, take for instance the time I tried to have a serious conversation with my mom about my future:
Me: It's just, I keep waiting for the other foot to drop.
Mom: The what?
Me: The other foot to come down?
Mom: That's not a phrase.
My Sister: Yeah, Alex, that's a weird phrase.
Me: Wait, I'll wikipedia it...see! Waiting for the other shoe to drop!
Mom: Well that's completely different.
Me: No it's not, it's like you see one foot, or shoe, and you know that there are two feet so you are waiting for the other one to come step on you.
My sister: That's weird.
Mom: Yeah, it makes no sense.

And Brady's favorite phrase that I apparently made up:
"Oh, don't wait dinner for me." or "I'll wait dinner for you."

Regionalisms or just me being weird? The world may never know.

Anyway, I need to get some sleep so that I can be the sharpest saw on the construction site tomorrow. Or maybe the heaviest concrete block in the pool?

Introspective blabber

Do you ever have days where you completely question everything about your life? Days where you wonder what it is you've been waiting for? Days where you realize that your whole life is about waiting for things to be the way you want them? Do you ever think, on days like those, that maybe life is too short to be waiting around for things to fall into place? Maybe things never will fall into place the way you think they will. Maybe you are waiting for people to catch up to you, and they never will.

On these kinds of days does it break your heart to think that it might be the people and the circumstances of your life that are making you sad. Maybe it's the people and things you love the most that are keeping you from achieving your dreams?

Not that I'm feeling that way or anything. I just wanted to know if you had ever felt that way. You know, out of curiosity. Informal poll kind of thing......

On July 20, 2006, I wrote in my journal:
Does anything really change? Do we always remain the same? Will I spend my whole life feeling like I am finally on the brink of something, never really discovering what it is that I am on the brink of? I feel like change, self recognition, something, is just around the corner, just out of my reach.

It terrifies me to know that I still feel exactly the same way.

I'm sorry for the introspective post tonight. I just feel like I was going somewhere and I could see it, clearly in front of me. I had a map. And then someone told me I had the map upside down and took it away from me. So now I'm forced to face the fact that my path has been wrong from the start and I don't even have a map to lean on.

How long can we wait for others to see the same map we do? How long before you admit that they've been using a different map the whole time, hoping that you'll notice and switch to their path? When do we accept that people can only see their own map, and that it's wrong to try and change their view, even if we think our destination is better?

I think I'll put this overused map metaphor to bed now and get some sleep. I know things will be brighter tomorrow. And hopefully my post will be too.

There is a season

I've been bad about posting lately. I know. I have no good excuse, I just have been lazy. In every sense of the word. Physically lazy and mentally lazy. I've been giving all of my good energy to work, and all that's left of me is a sleepy hull of a person.

I won't be like this for too much longer. My huge event that I am planning will be over after May 15th. So only two more weeks of lazy Alex.

In non-lazy news, my mother and I planted pretty flowers today. Flowers that we will most likely kill. But we're thinking positive. As we left the store with our cart full of plants my mom looked down and said "This looks like a cart full of death to me."

My boss bought me a plant (a money tree) a few months ago to thank me for my great work (I know, she's awesome). At first it grew so well. Then, one of the stalks got root rot. I'm familiar with the disease because I lose a lot of plants to root rot. I removed the infected stalk and continued to love and pamper the remaining tree. Last week another stalk went down. Most money trees have 5 stalks (mini trees?), braided together. Mine has 3 left and it looks anemic. My boss looked at the tree and said, "Wow. This plant is dying. You really do have a black thumb."

Poor tree. I'm a killer. The black death of horticulture.

That's what it used to look like. Sigh. Anyway, mom and I are hopeful about the new plants. We only bought plants labeled "hardy" and "drought resistant."

I really need one that says "plant killer resistant" but I don't think they make those yet.

That's all from me.