It's been a rough week

I've been having a hard time of it lately.  "It" meaning "life."

Some very blogworthy things have been happening I guess.  I mean if I were sort of emo and angsty and wanted to talk about my feelings a lot.  Which, you know, I sort of try not to do.

I know, I know, I talk a lot.  Every person I have ever met and talked to has commented on how much I talk.  My family, my friends, my enemies.  They all like to make jokes about how much I talk.  Which is fine mostly.  But just because I talk a lot, and just because I do share a lot about myself, doesn't mean that I let everyone in on everything.  I may say "Yeah, I had a bad day" to someone I just met, but I won't say "I'm currently facing the crippling realities of my life and I'm finding myself lacking in pretty much every way possible."  I mean, I tend to try to downplay my unhappiness when I'm talking to other people.  I'm more of a "lets talk about fun things" kind of person.

But anyway, I am sort of facing the crippling realities of my life and finding myself lacking.

And it doesn't make me want to blog so much.  Because I would rather share funny stories or weight loss failures or pretty much anything else.

So I'm sorry I haven't been blogging.  It's been a tough couple of years and those tough years are catching up with me.  I mean actually literally catching up with me as in I am now having to visit the doctor every other week to deal with stress related illnesses.  So yeah.  I'm trying to think of the funny way to say that and...well, I'm coming up short.  Which is not to say that things aren't often funny (physical therapy orientation... actually sort of an amazingly hilarious experience.  Picture me and five 50 year old women doing yoga stretches on a floor talking about our pelvic alignment.)

I've been feeling very alone and very grown up and very dissatisfied and it's hard to find people who are willing to listen to you talk about why you are feeling down.  I don't know if I know anyone who's up for that kind of listening.  Because on top of everything else a lot of the things I counted on for support have been collapsing lately.

I'm not depressed or even sad so much as overwhelmed and sort of uncomfortable about lots of things in my life.  And I'm going to try to work on that.  Slowly.  Step by step.  But, um, in the meantime, thanks internet for listening to me rant?

And now I'm thinking I've treaded into emo and angsty territory and I obviously just need to stop and go to sleep because sleep makes everything better.  Focus on that funny physical therapy image I conjured up earlier.  That was waaay less angsty.  

I'm really wondering about my decision making skills

I just spent more than three hours updating my computer and related software.  On the plus side, it basically feels like I have a completely new computer.  On the downside, I started this insane project at 11:30, knowing that it could maybe take a while.

I've been battling a cold all week (mostly I've been winning) and yet it seemed like a great idea to stay up until 3 am watching my computer update itself (progress bars are just so entertaining).  It seemed like a good idea at the time...

So, if I am totally sick again tomorrow, at least I'll have my snazzy new Mac OS Lion to keep me company as I spend the day in bed trying to recuperate from my bad decisions.

(But seriously guys, the changes are awesome and I'm really geeking out.  My apple nerd side is having a field day and I'm only pretending that it wasn't worth staying up until 3 am to see the changes they made to the mail and calendar applications.  This will keep me going for DAYS!)

Anyway, one week from today I will be off to NYC!  So excited.

And with that, I'm going to pass out at the keyboard, staring lovingly at my new operating system.  Goodnight.