The brightest crayon in the classroom

I meant to go to bed early. And I also meant to blog earlier. Ah well, the best laid plans...

I actually can't remember how the rest of that phrase goes. I think I always sort of trail off meaningfully at the end and never finish it. As if to say, conspiratorially, yes, you know what happens to the best laid plans. I needn't tell you. But really I'm thinking, I hope you know, because I have not a clue.

Sometimes I think the key to life is pretending, really hard, that you know the end of the phrase. Er the metaphorical phrase that is. Actually, if you're me, there is also a lot of pretending to know the end of literal phrases. I'm sort of lacking in that department.

For example, I am not....
The sharpest tool in the....shed? toolbox? scene shop?
The brightest bulb in the... shed? chandelier? hardware store? house?
The brightest crayon in the... kindergarten classroom? box? child's mouth?
Or could we even go with the sharpest crayon?

Or, take for instance the time I tried to have a serious conversation with my mom about my future:
Me: It's just, I keep waiting for the other foot to drop.
Mom: The what?
Me: The other foot to come down?
Mom: That's not a phrase.
My Sister: Yeah, Alex, that's a weird phrase.
Me: Wait, I'll wikipedia it...see! Waiting for the other shoe to drop!
Mom: Well that's completely different.
Me: No it's not, it's like you see one foot, or shoe, and you know that there are two feet so you are waiting for the other one to come step on you.
My sister: That's weird.
Mom: Yeah, it makes no sense.

And Brady's favorite phrase that I apparently made up:
"Oh, don't wait dinner for me." or "I'll wait dinner for you."

Regionalisms or just me being weird? The world may never know.

Anyway, I need to get some sleep so that I can be the sharpest saw on the construction site tomorrow. Or maybe the heaviest concrete block in the pool?