That was all going on and we never noticed

Well I'm all moved now. Sort of. I mean, I sleep in a new place. There is a bed here. And my clothes are scattered in suitcases around me. So I live in my new apartment more than I live anywhere else. But that is not to say that I feel like I really live here either.

I've always had a bit of trouble with transitions. I've never liked the in between. I love being asleep. And I love being awake. But I hate falling to sleep and I hate waking up. I love being in the shower, or being in the pool. And I'm good with being dry. But I hate being wet and waiting to dry. Right now, I know I'll love being in my apartment, but I'm hating the in between-ness of it all.

I'm one big mess of melancholy lately. It started when I packed up my comforter and it's been getting progressively worse. I miss my mom more than I thought I would. I mean she lives just down the road. I know I went away from home for college. But here I am, sitting at home just missing her so much, like I might never see her again or something. Which is ridiculous. Of course I'll see her again. Probably later this week.

Sometimes I feel like there is too much changing all at once, faster and faster, all around us and I want to grab time and say stop, I want to be in this moment for a bit longer. I want to rewind, jump back and do today again just because it was great. I want to try last year again and really appreciate it this time.

"It goes so fast. We don't have time to look at one another. I didn't realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed" - Our Town

I'm not trying to be depressing or anything. Last time I wrote about nostalgia for things I never actually had...this time I'm writing about real nostalgia. Wishing for life to be a way that it never will be again. (Er, so much for not being depressing.)

We can't hide at home forever though, forcing ourselves to act out a way of life just for consistencies sake. We have to try new things, move on, attempt to make new memories that are better than the past. And honestly, the more time I spend thinking on the past, the more I miss the present. Life goes on, and it should go on. Think of what we would miss if we stayed only where it felt safe and comfortable and easy.

Think of the places we would never go, the lives we would never lead, the loves we would never have, the flings that would never be flung. No one would act or sing or dance or create. No one would get married or fall in love at all because love is the least safe thing I know of. No one would move out, or move on. Life does keep moving, we do get older, we have to see everything we can in whatever time we have.

Next time I promise to write something much more uplifting. But I meant to just say that I am back online...I have internet once more and there can be blogging. And life is infinitely wonderful and infinitely sad and infinitely funny and I'm working on reconciling all that into a happy existence.

"Oh, earth, you're too wonderful for anybody to realize you. ...Do human beings ever realize life while they live it? — Every, every minute?" - Our Town

I leave you with this happy photo from my trip to Philly for the wedding of the year...


I think this photo asks the question, can you mix American Gothic and a wedding party? And I think the answer is yes. In fact, it makes it better.